by

Heide AW Kaminski

2001

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! All of us who have a child with AD/HD or have been diagnosed with it ourselves, first of all let's rephrase the meaning of that abbreviation!

I would prefer to call it

"A-ccept your D-iagnosis as a H-ealthy D-iscovery".

I was two weeks away from my 35th birthday, when I was diagnosed with AD/HD. I had given in to taking the test for it, after my family physician as well as an employee of our local intermediate school district, had mentioned that I displayed symptoms of it.

Imagine it! You're 35, and the doctor tells you that you have a d-i-s-o-r-d-e-r.

A mental deficiency, a chemical imbalance in your brain. Oh, I know it is not a life threatening disease. The scariest part about it was the fact that I must have had it for the last 42 years. All those feelings, impulsions, compulsions, disorganized personal life style, emotional over arousal, restlessness, you name it, I had it. I always thought they were a "normal" part of my personality type. No one ever told me, that it is OK to have one or a few of those symptoms but to have them all at once...

To top it off, all these years of being mediocre in school and life, I could have successfully reached for the stars, because aside from AD/HD, bipolar disorder (oh, yeah, likely buddy of AD/HD) and an eating disorder the test also revealed a pretty high IQ on my behalf.

After about a week of anger and depression about what could have been, I began to focus on the present and future. I started taking Ritalin and discovered a new meaning of life. Where I originally had created financial chaos, I began to tremendously enjoy the power of controlling my compulsive urges to spend money (on credit, of course...). Passing a yard sale sign, buying only the two items I went to the store for, putting that "on sale" blouse back onto the rack and leaving the store without it, gave me great pleasure. It gave me an idea of what it meant to feel really proud and good about myself.

I approached every one I knew I had made upset before with my chronic forgetfulness. I wrote to far away family members, talked to people around me and sent explaining letters to my creditors. I applied for a consolidation loan to ease my load and was turned down. I re-applied, along with a detailed letter of the debilitating effects of my un-diagnosed condition, and assured them that I was being treated now and was capable of handling my impulses from now on.

I even suggested direct payment to my creditors, so I was not going to abuse the loan money. They are still working on that one, but they were willing to listen and appreciated my honesty. I learned several important lessons so far. First of all it is ok to have a disorder, and there is no need to hide it. Admitting to it and the problems resulting from it, can make it a lot easier for other people to accept you for who you are.

My family members now know, when the symptoms become overwhelming, they need to give me space to calm down. When I feel too stressed out, I can step back, and say "I need to withdraw for a while", because I know now, what is really causing my distress. The medicine is like a crutch for someone with a broken leg. You cannot get around without it, but it does not change your personality, it lets you be yourself!

I am still very energetic, very talkative and "hyper". That is part of my true personality. But the Ritalin helped to take active control over to what extend is proper in various situations. That is why I feel that the diagnosis, no matter how painful at first, was a healthy discovery. I still have many years left to live life the way it was meant to be. On top of that I now have great compassion not only for people with AD/HD, their spouses, parents, other relatives, teachers and other acquaintances, who have to be around us.

It has been a few years now, that I have been off Ritalin. Not really by choice, but I got pregnant, and now I am nursing. There are no conclusive studies on the effects of Ritalin on the breast milk, so it it safer to stay away. Some days I wish I could get back on Ritalin, some days I am convinced that I can beat this with behavior modification. When I feel over stimulated I need to change gears or directions. For me that means a long drive with loud music. For others that may mean exercise, eating some ice cream, ... It is a very individual thing. Overall I have to say, that I am a big advocate of Ritalin.

My son, only 3 1/2 years old, displays a lot of symptoms. His likelihood of having AD/HD is great, because it can be inherited. His dad has it too (He would never admit to it, but I am an expert on the symptoms...) However, because of his age, there is neither a test or treatment plan, yet. The other day, when a lady said to me "you are not going to put him on that Ritalin, are you?" I replied "Are you kidding, of course I am putting him on it, if he is diagnosed!"

In my opinion, anybody, who vehemently opposes to Ritalin, obviously has not experienced the effects of AD/HD and does not know what a world of difference this medication makes. I am an adult. I can understand the meaning of behavior modification, and I can even apply it some of the time. How can you expect a little child to do that??? As far as the positive side of having AD/HD is concerned: many people admire my spontaneity, my creativity, my knowledge about things others did not even know, existed. That is something I would not trade for being "normal" When I get into a new situation, I often inform people "I have AD/HD, so if I act weird, just kick my butt and bring me back to earth." It has helped, and if others around me just don't get it, it is their loss and not mine. I can officially say: "I am proud to have AD/HD!"

 

* my son is now officially diagnosed with AD/HD and he started Ritalin treatment about a month ago.

The effects have been wonderful, the side effects are minimal.