My inner child, spirits and I AM a Christian

by

Heide Kaminski

2002

First of all: I am a Christian, a very active one and I regularly attended a purely Christian Church. About a year ago I joined an Interfaith Church. 

Now that I got that out of the way, I want to talk about my spirituality. I have gone to lots of psychics. Some were so-so and their readings were either pretty generic or dead wrong. But I have talked to enough that hit the nail right on the head, and it couldn't have been just a hit-or-miss guess.

Take for example the one, who saw a dark haired man near me, who was like a block of ice. Just that morning I had talked to a friend of mine and referred to my ex-husband (a man with black hair) as an ice-block...

Another time I asked a channeller to contact my dad and ask him, if he loves me. Immediately I received a breath taking tight hug from an invisible being, a force so strong that a friend in an adjacent room felt the presence...

I occasionally manage to get in touch with my spirits or guiding angels or whatever you choose to call them.(The real hard core disbelievers are probably screaming "Schizophrenic, she's hearing voices!!!")

During a hypnosis session intended to dig into my childhood trauma I accidentally slipped into a spirit world and met Ezra. She is the essence of my soul, my guardian angel, my spirit guide. I saw her as a 16 year old skinny girl with long, blonde, straight hair. When I bluntly asked my then four year old highly spiritual daughter, if she knew Ezra, my child said "Sure, she tucks me in at night!" She went on to describe a fortyish matron like woman. I was confused, my child without hesitation accepted my question, yet she described a totally different being.

Then a psychic, not knowing this, stated that she saw three dominant spirits around me, a teen-age girl - my carefree inner child - a matron like woman - my inner responsible adult - and my guardian angel - my maternal grandmother. The latter, she explained, had come back into my life, because she so screwed up my mother, that my mother in turn so screwed up me, and now my grandma watched over me, so I would not continue the vicious cycle of abuse with my own children. When my kids were little, and I felt angry emotions well up, I went to get professional help. My kids and I turned out pretty good.

Several years ago, when I asked Jesus, why I just couldn't connect with him the way I thought a good Christian should, he appeared to me in a dream. We sat on some rocks by a riverside and smoked a couple of cigarettes, while having a casual conversation. I don't remember the details, but the gist of it was, that he is in my life all-right, but voluntarily taking a back seat for a while - until I am really ready for more. And I am getting there!

A few weeks ago I went to a day long workshop to re-energize my soul. There was a lot of meditation and chakra work involved. At the beginning I doodled on a sheet of paper "Ezra, this is the place!!! Talk to me, I have not heard from you in a while!" She appeared briefly during the first meditation, waved, said hi and disappeared. I silently yelled "Wait! Don't leave me again!" And from a distance she replied "I'm not the one you want to see today! Someone else is waiting for you!"

Later in the day, we were guided into a temple during a visualization and we were encouraged to go up to the light and see who was there. I asked "Jesus? Is that You?" But guess what! It was my daddy, once again answering my question. He was sending two year old me off into a room full of people and daddy was cheering me on "They're gonna just love you! They're gonna think you are so adorable!" I remember skipping down the hallway to the ballroom, affirming daddy's words over and over again.

On the day of this workshop I realized that this day almost forty years ago, was my personal judgment day. I was an illegitimate child, a big no-no in those days. My mother had managed to hide my existence from almost everybody in the town and family. But on this day, a huge Catholic wedding, her sister's daughter's wedding, my mom (or was it my dad?) chose to announce me to the whole world. I must have failed... I felt like a failure ever since. But on the day of the workshop my daddy reminded me that it didn't matter, because he always loved me. I went home feeling healthier in my soul.

So why would I not believe in spirits? I have to mention the time we lived in this old house, and every time I went to the bathroom, a baby boy came to visit me. It turned out - after we did some research - that a little boy and his mother had lived in the attic and died there. The bathroom had the door and stairway to the attic inside a cabinet... There were others, but that is a different story.

However, I do have to mention Henry. My best friend has a spirit in her house and his name is Henry! He is quite a character! Once my friend and I were turning the house upside down to find a specific book. s I took a, I said out loud "Now, Henry, give me privacy, but when I come out of the bathroom, I want you to show me where the book is!" When I came out of the bathroom, I went straight to a drawer and pulled out said book! Strangest thing - my friend and I had checked that very drawer several times!!! So, several months later, I was frantically searching for an important document for days. Finally I called my friend and jokingly asked if I could borrow Henry. Within half an hour I found my document! As I was printing out the rough draft for this article, I suddenly felt the urge to mention Henry. While I was contemplating, where and how to fit him in, I suddenly had an impulse to search through my old disks. I found some filed paperwork that will help my husband tremendously with a court case he has been suphoenaed to... I called my best friend to let her know, that Henry was visiting me. He must be somewhat vain, because he obviously wanted to be in this story, but boy-oh-boy, did he ever give me a great bribe! And I am supposed to point out that he likes the French pronunciation of his name better ("ohnree")! I told you, he is quite a character!!!

I feel the presence of my spirits all the time. I can see auras, not always the colors, but definitely the first two or three layers of energy. I have no reasons to put off metaphysics as hog wash. And no, I am not schizophrenic. crazy, maybe, but not mentally ill. Being a Christian and believing in connecting with spirits around you do not contradict each other. I talk to God every day. Sometimes I hear his answers, and sometimes I don't.

I am not a cultist or a devil worshiper. I am fascinated with Wicca - in fact, even before I had heard anything about that and reincarnation, as a little girl, I was convinced that I had once been burned at the stake. I follow those who believe that Lucifer exists to guard the poor souls who have decided to turn away from God, but he is not out to buy your soul! Everyone has a path their soul chose to follow, before it was breathed into this physical body. If that means being a Southern Baptist, a Jehovah Witness, a Pagan or a New Age Christian (absolutely no specific meaning in the examples and order I mentioned them!!!), so be it. We are still all children of one higher power, an energy field that is within and all around us, and in the end we will probably find out that we all are right in our belief, because we are all important pieces of one huge puzzle. Or as one of my teachers put it, we are all spokes of a wheel. The wheel represents infinity. The center is God, the spokes are the different religions, the spaces in between are the ones who are still searching, and the rim is the universe holding us all together. And you cannot remove a single unit without disrupting the smooth functioning of the wheel..

Blessing Love and Light Heide